I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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