1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
