Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
