The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
