she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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