I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
