Just cropdusted the office
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
