is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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