I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize