I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
