we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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