I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
