True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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