I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it because I queefed?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
