it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
