Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
