i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
