if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
