HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
