singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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