im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
