The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it hurts more in the daytime
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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