with your own penis?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
