Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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