hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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