if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
