Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
