This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
