You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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