they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
