The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
only you would photoshop your dick
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
