I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
