So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
