Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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