I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
