Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My balls are so social today.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
