she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize