What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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