i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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