What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
