Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
