Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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