physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
