I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
