we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
