I'm going to jail i love you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
