after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
