Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
People in love make me want to vomit
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
