He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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