I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
