you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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