She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
