she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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