I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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