i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
