She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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