i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
