I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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