I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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