I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she peed on how many people?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
