So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
