Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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