Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
